Humorous Tachetastic Quotes

I'ma big fan of Jack Handy and his funny quotes or deep thoughts as they're called. I've never seen what he look like, I just hope he wears a moustache. Anyway, I hope you enjoy these funny quotes, these are all facts. Honest Guv' blinky blimey, cockles & muscles etc.

• Positioning large fake moustaches at the front of tractors serves no purpose other than being highly amusing.
• The practice of wearing fake moustaches while attending church is now common place in the West of Scotland. This is attributed to the fact that moustached people are Gods favourite.
• Fake 'taches can provide follically challenged people with vital insulation if they are worn on the head. Thus serving a dual purpose since they make a good discussion point when talking with the ladies.
• The original version of concord used a moustache due to their unique aerodynamic properties. However, later versions incorporated wings instead as they were found to give slightly more lift.
• Contrary to popular belief, Apollo 11's main mission was to add a fake Moustache to the 'man on the moon'. It failed.
• The Moustache bill of 1978, which made it mandatory to draw fake 'taches on all children between the ages of 2 - 8, was abandoned after it failed to get through the House of Lords.
• 4 out 5 times a horse with a gun will fail to kill a dog with a knife. I think this is mainly due to the fact that horse have no opposing fingers/hoofs.
• Neil Angstrom is the smallest man ever to have walked on the moon
• 4 Commando unit in the gulf sported fake 'taches so as to confuse the enemy.
• Moustache trimmings can be collected into small cloth bags which can then be used by mice as pillows.
• A fake 'tache worn along the shaft of an erect penis aids a ladies sexual pleasure.
• The lawnmower was originally designed for the moustache but was later adapted for grass after several people lost their noses while using them.

If your not satisfied with these babies then check out more humorous quotes at the comedy store