Mammal Facts

I've just found a great page about mammals, the hall of mammals should satisfy all of your small mammal needs.

In this section I hope to include some extra information about our friends, the mammals. This section was originally entitled 'weekly mammal' but was upated very sporadically, I considered renaming it to 'Mammal when I can be arsed adding more in' didn't seem to have a same ring to it. OK, lets begin:

	Toby: Recently deceased after getting into a fight with a horse that had a gun, the Tobes memory lives on. In his spare time Toby used to enjoy barking, fighting horses and....er....barking. He could often be found patrolling the streets with his mentor,Mum , ensuring that the streets were safe from any possible horse invasion. This may see non sensicle but Ardrossan lies just across the water from Horse Island (Fact).
	Frogs: Frogs start life as small sperm like creatures called tadpoles but grow into small hopping machines. After some deliberation I've concluded that Rabbits have taught frogs how to hop. Always eager to learn more, frogs can often be found hopping around looking for their teachers shouting "RABBIT? RABBIT??". It is not uncommon for a frogs legs to fall off, in which case they need to be toad to the nearest hostpital for an hopperation. Sorry.
	Donkey: I like Donkeys mainly due to help they have given me with the ladies. It was just last week when I was out in Edinburgh with wee Billy Burro that some young lady told me that I had a great ass. Unlike their cousins, the Horses, donkeys don't go around killing dogs. Apparrently the positioning of the eyes on a donkey allow it to view all 4 of its legs simultaneously, donkey leg stealing gangs BEWARE. For more information about donkeys, check out Donkeys.com..er...you know you won't regret it.
	Horse: No me gustan los caballos. Probably due to the fact that I hated 'Black Beauty' and Channel 4 Horse Racing when I was younger. Plus a horse has never bought me a pint in my local pub. Bastards.
	Elephant: Other than a sperm whale on wheels, the elephant is the largest mammal living on solid ground. Elephants can often forget to wear their fake moustaches thus disprooving the phase "Elephants never forget". I quite like the elephant joke "why do elephants have Big Ears? Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom", thats a belter. Apparently the very first bomb dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elepphant in the Zoo. I'd like to think the raid was supposed to be targeting some nazi horse colony or something.
	Lion: Apparently a wild Lion makes around 20 kills per year, I reckon that if they were provided with Lion friendly weapons then this number could easily be doubled. I like to think that one day these killing machines could be integrated into the army, I'd call them Lion Squadron. Their mane mission could be to seek out and destroy enemy horse installations. Lion Squardon should never be deployed in civilian areas otherwise there could be a BIG CATastrophe.
	Ducks: The ducks are my friends, the bond formed ever since my grandad used to take me down to the village pond to feed them when I was young. They didn't have moustaches then, but with age the moustaches grew. Sometimes ~I think its quite difficult to stick fake moustaches on ducks as at first they don't seem to understand. But, once they've felt the benifit of wearing a magestic mowser, theres no looking back.